Happiness, rollover minutes.

So, with a little nudge, here I am posting to my "fans of Lec" board...

The life of Lec has been interesting to say the least. With moving and uncertainty in the market i do feel sick to my stomach more often than not. The move is almost complete, however, making the new house a home has just begun.

Today, as usual I have been worrying about my current job and all the thoughts that go along with those kind of worries. Growing up dirt poor in central Illinois has taught me that if I had to go back to that lifestyle that I could survive. However, I do not wish that life on anyone. I feel sick to my stomach at the state of our country and the blind believers in politics, on both sides of the fence.

I feel sad for the ones who have lost their jobs, and I feel sad for the ones who have many things in life to be joyous about but unfortunately have that one dark cloud hanging over thier head that takes away all that queued up happiness. Can happiness be like cell phone rollover minutes? Meaning, if there are things I can or should be happy about today but cant because of the impending doom hanging over my head, can I store the happiness and use it later when the doom and gloom has landed?

One can wish, can't I?

This Morning...

The alarm sounded so loud this morning. It was another late night for me and the morning comes so fast. I know that I am going to be tired in the mornings but there is just something about the night time hours that I find my center. I find that moment of peace that I am looking for.

Mornings seem so confusing; my mind usually is racing a mile a minute. How is it after a nights sleep my mind is so cloudy in the morning. And yet the nighttime hours my mind is at peace. That moment when the world is asleep and the stars are watching over us.

As I sit at my desk this morning and reflect upon my life. I decide this morning to go visit a local Starbucks with my laptop and do some reflecting. When my mind is racing like it is now, putting those thoughts into words seems to help end the race, and clear my mind.

Sitting here at the Starbucks, I can smell the fresh coffee and the slow pace of the morning world. There are so many things that annoy me about mornings. I know I am certainly not a morning person and doubt I will ever be. I have such distain for people who have to have their morning coffee before they can deal with the world and yet I sit in the very place that this behavior is brewed, no pun intended.

As I people watch here at Starbucks with my newly purchased snobby macbook, I wonder how many of these Starbuckians are actually real. You know, is the tree hugger, (RED), I am green act true or is it all just a bullshit image thing? It just seems comical to me at times.

Anyway, I don’t know why the ramble this morning, I just wish more people were true to them self I guess and didn’t try to fit into some image. You are who you are at the end of the day and no coffee shop can change that.

Christmas Regrets?

So, with the holidays approaching, I was wondering if any of you had any Christmas regrets of years past?

I have one specifically that changed my outlook on Christmas for the rest of my life. I do enjoying the Christmas spirit and the spirit of giving. Nothing makes me happier than to give to someone who I care about and see a smile on their face :)

When I was young, it is a long story and it was a really really bad day at our house this particular Christmas, but I remember crying over a bike my mom had bought me because it wasnt the one I wanted. I apologized for days after doing it, I felt so bad.

How about you all? What does Christmas mean to you and do you have any Christmas regrets?

Music Buffs....

This is a post for all those true music buffs out there...and yes I know who you are!!! muwhahaha.

Ok so I have been using an iPod for about 4 years now daily. It has become almost as part of my day as a PC has. You know or may not know that an iPod needs iTunes to load its music on. Well the lastest update of iTunes has a genius feature.....And holy shit, this feature is truly genius! Its so unlike other programs that have attempted to do what it does. What it does is takes the music you have stored in your iTunes libray, compares it to all the data they have collected over the years at the iTunes music store and buying trends of people who have purchased simular music and creates genius playlists!

I mean you go into you iTunes library, pick a song and click the genius button and poof, a 1.7 to 2 hour setlist that is pure pure musical genius! I am highly impressed! Trust me when I say this is unlike any other.

Today...

You know, I just love my life..to steal another line from a movie...My life is like pizza, even when its bad its still pretty good.

Starting this blog has made me realize that really. I had many inquiring in another world as to who this all was directed to, but the ironic part is, it wasn't really directly towards anyone directly but I can see how many people it struck indirectly. I just wish the ones who formulate a thought about it all would stand up and voice it!

But it made me realize I don't get tied up in the junk that preoccupies peoples minds. I worry about real life things! How to pay my mortgage, focus on work and relationships in kind. What I refuse to do is get attached to a place where my emotions can not be controlled. In a world that is build on lies and blanket mistrust. You cant even worry about how people perceive you to be in this world because ultimately everyone thinks everyone is lying...So why bother wasting energy on it?

SL (RL) Enjoyment = Balance / Detachment (Balance divided by Detachement)

I practice this formula and love my RL and SL! You can to!

Fate

Ironic things just happen in life for no particular reason?

I guess that has to be the question since I have said I don’t believe in fate. I just believe that we ultimately are in control of our lives ya know? I have to believe that we are in control because it is what gets me through a tough day and it is what helps me during those moments when I feel vulnerable.

Don’t we have to keep that belief that we are in control to be able to maintain the balance we need in life? But how is it that you run into people in life that seem to be perfectly placed for that particular time or moment? Or why is it that you come across someone who is a perfect match for you but you meet at the wrong time? Could we agree that God (fate) places people in the path of our life’s journey?

However, those moments are confusing aren’t they? To quote Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate “Look, but don’t touch, touch, but don’t taste. Taste, but don’t swallow”. How it is that fate puts us in the path of incredible people that we know would be a great life partner for us while we are still with another??? Is that fate or is that just how life works? That causes confusion ya know? It fills your thoughts with those..What ifs?

Ironic Hypocrisies?

As we wander through this world, or another world? We run into what I believe or want to classify as ironic hypocrisies. I guess I would need to define ironic hypocrisies so we can have an intelligent thought on the topic.

Ok so here is the scenario for shits and giggles. I know, I know what reputable writer actually uses the term shits and giggles? Hell I don't know but that really isnt the point here now is it? So lets move on to the scenario that I am having the most enjoyment or interest in at the moment.

Suppose there was a virtual wold out there that you could recreate yourself as anything you wanted to be? It would be in a digital environment of course. In this world you can dance, sing, love, hate, own a business, be a stalker or perhaps an asshole, if thats your thing.

Now no doubt married people most likely are going to flock to this world more so than single right? Wouldn't this world be the perfect environment to brew that mystery underground lifestyle you always wanted? To go out and have those virtual love affairs with people you do not now nor plan on ever knowing, or so you think.

Imagine if you will...(oops, didn't meant to queue the Twilight Zone music there) a real life marriage with a wife or husband that comes across this virtual world and decides to give it a whirl. Innocently, of course! It always starts out innocently in life doesn't it? The great part of an online environment is the freedom to speak and act how you feel. I like to believe that the person online in the virtual world is the real person and the one who walks around in real life wanting what they can't have is their alto ego.

Ok, enough babbling. Lets wrap this ironic hypocrisy up in one sentence! A girl faithful to her RL husband falls in love with guy A in the virtual world and then falls in love with guy B in the virtual world and then ends the relationship with guy B in the virtual world because its just not right to treat guy A in that manner.....Umm huh? I suppose if you read and then reread that you will see the irony, as well as the hypocrisy. And oh yeah, guy A is married in real life and hiding it from their real life wife and becomes extremely jealous when she talks to guy B....umm huh? Am I missing something here?

The reality is, I do get it and understand what has happened, but the bigger question is, do they? The mentality is that online relationships don't count. Like its a freebie fling in life because the physical contact is not there. But in the words of one of my close friends (yes still close) puuuulese! You see, emotion contact with someone else while in a relationship is mentally cheating on our spouse or partner. So what is the explanation then with this ironic hypocrisy? Simple, the girl fell in love with guy A and he now means more to her than her RL husband. Can there be any other explanation? Seriously, if you can cheat on your real life husband with a guy online, they why worry about cheating on the virtual world guy?

Heh, sure is complex the tangled webs we weave.